September 24, 2012: last blog

I've had some setbacks here.. The other day, I was playing soccer on the beach barefoot and I twisted my bad ankle (the one I had surgery on in March) and it has been bothering me ever since. I have also had bad stomachaches every morning for the past 5 days in a row. I have been feeling this uneasiness that I can't explain. I know God has sent me here and that He made it so clear to me to come here, but after three short weeks, I am going back to Texas.

I love the things I am getting to do here and I love the heart that Shores has for the lost, broken, and homeless. I have loved getting to have church on the street and worship with the poorest of the poor, talk to and hug confused prostitutes on the streets of Recife, and build relationships with these beautiful people and speak truth into their lives. But I feel like The Lord is strongly telling me that I'm just not ready spiritually for what I'm doing. It is very spiritually heavy and exhausting and the enemy has been attacking me lately. I know my God is stronger and bigger, but I feel like He's gently telling me that I'm not ready for what I'm doing here and I can't put all I have into it because of my lack of experience and knowledge with this type of sensitive ministry.

I don't know why He sent me here for such a short time, but I know that as I look back on what I did and what all happened here, God has taught me so much. I don't know why He does what he does sometimes, but I trust him. If He wanted me here for three weeks then I guess that's o.k. I am confused and a little disappointed, but I will obey. I am willing to stay and even live here but that's not what God is calling me to do at this time. I know He wants to do something in my life back home and I'm anxious to see what it is. I will always remember this time and what God showed me through these amazing people and ministry. I know that wherever I go or whatever I do, He will be with me and He's not going anywhere because He has promised that He won't leave or forsake me ever.

I'm eternally grateful for the prayers, financial support, and thoughts everyone has sent my way and I know that God was looking out for me while I was here. I have such amazing family and friends that have supported me the whole way (even when a lot of them didn't want me to leave). I am sorry if I've disappointed any of you and I hope to do missions later if God calls me again to Brazil, Africa, or wherever He leads. Thank you all and God bless.

September 16, 2012: First night on the streets

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."  -Luke 15:4-7

As I was reading God's word outside on my front porch this morning, God showed me just what I needed to hear. I have been wondering what I'm doing here lately and what God wants me to do and see in Brazil. A couple of nights ago, I went out to the streets for the first time to talk to prostitutes and transvestites. I have to admit, I was pretty nervous and terrified because I had no idea what to expect or what I was going to see. I tried to talk to one of the girls about what was going to happen in the car but she only speaks Portuguese so I didn't get to much out of her about what to expect. That night, Nic had bought many roses to give to each girl or transvestite we came in contact with. We were supposed to ask them what they thought of the rose and to describe it to us. After they told us what they thought about the rose, we would tell them that they were just as beautiful and special as the rose. We would let them know that there was a God that thought of them as beautiful and that wanted to have an intimate relationship with them. While we were driving down the road we would be on, I saw many people that appeared to be girls standing on the street corners everywhere. You could literally feel the spiritual oppression all around. When a couple of white guys, a white girl, and two Brazilian girls started walking down the street with all kinds of roses in our hands, I could only imagine what we looked like to onlookers. 

Immediately, I felt like I didn't know what I was doing. What could I, a normal American guy that just graduated college, do to help these people that were in situations I'd only seen in movies. If anyone could relate to these people, it wasn't me, I thought. I know now that these thoughts were from the enemy and it wasn't God speaking to me because I quickly realized that God was with us and His Spirit was guiding us. He was protecting us and he was literally watching us making sure that His glory would be spread and His love would be shared to these people that so desperately needed it. We walked up to the first person and I quickly realized that it was not a girl. I can't really describe what he looked like in full, but he had long hair like a girl, women's clothes with high heels on, and make up, but there was no mistaking that he was a man. I didn't talk to him but found out that he had been on the streets for 11 years and he was only 25 years old. He was really friendly and talked to us for a long time. I was surprised to see how open he appeared to be and how much he was willing to share to these strangers.

On the next corner, we saw a group of about 5 or 6 transvestites talking together and laughing, smoking, and smiling at cars that drove by slowly. You could see the deadness in their eyes but they were good at hiding it. They would joke around with us and some of them were really friendly and talked to us for a long time. You could quickly see that they were great actors, they had to be to do the kind of work they did without feeling. As we handed them their roses, they looked surprised and suspicious at first, but all of them would smell them and hold them up to their noses for long periods of time. I don't think most of them had had someone give them a flower, or any gift for that matter, in a while. Some put them in their hair or on their clothes to make them feel prettier. The Brazilian girls with us would ask them to describe the flowers and a lot of them said it was pretty, smelled nice, or was new. Then, they would tell them how special and loved they were by their Heavenly Father and that there was somebody that wanted them to come as they were, scars and all. Most of them would quickly open up to us and talk openly about God and most of them had been Christians in the past or had family that were. One boy that made a very convincing girl, talked for 20 minutes about God and ended up singing an amazing song about God wanting us to come just the way we are. All of them looked relieved to see people actually looking at them with eyes of love and not like a piece of meat or like something you can buy at a store. It was great to see them talking to us and really enjoying the conversation. However, at the same time, they were constantly looking at cars that drove by out of the corner of their eyes because, after all, they were here to work and we were taking up time they could be making money. One of the girls would pray for them when they didn't want to talk anymore and we gave them all hugs as we said goodbye. 

We drove to another corner a little later in the night. Like the other street, you could tell that most, if not all of these people, were boys dressed like women. It was a crazy thing to see these prostitutes with little clothes on, and still not be able to tell that they were boys. They wore make-up, dresses, heels, and most had really long hair that made it nearly impossible to tell that they weren't girls. This corner was filled with boys, probably close to 10, all working for the night. Most of them were teenagers and had been on the streets for years. Some still lived at home, some had been kicked out because they were homosexual. Some looked like they slept on that corner because they had their stuff hanging on a tree. Most of them were joking with us and smoking cigarettes and you could tell they liked the attention from us. One girl we saw was sitting alone on the sidewalk smoking a cigarette. Most of them were good at hiding their pain and sadness, but not her. She made no effort to mask what she was feeling and I could see that the years of living on the streets and her way of life had taken its toll. She couldn't have been more than 16 or 17 but physically, she looked about 35. My heart hurt for the girl because I know that I could blame her for her situation and turn the other cheek, but Jesus adores this girl and wants her to come back to Him so that he can heal her heart and fix what's been broken in her short life. Just like Luke 15 says, God and the angels rejoice when one who is lost and broken comes back to the Lord and repents. God will reward the faithful that continue to follow Him their whole lives and He honors when we obey Him, but He REJOICES when one who is sick turns to Him. He wants these people back and desires to see them come to faith in Him. So I must love these people too and rejoice when one of the repents and turns to the Father. 

I won't lie and say life here is easy. I miss my family and friends and the comfort I had back home in America. I miss being able to drive a car instead of taking a bus crammed full of people on bumpy roads getting sick every time. I miss having A/C everywhere I go, especially when I sleep at night. I miss not having 20 bug bites on my body when I wake up in the morning. I miss being able to keep bread longer than a day before it molds. I hate that I'm missing my sister's senior year of high school and getting to see her in a beautiful dress when she wins homecoming queen. However, I wouldn't have it any other way. God has given me much to do here and He wants to use me for His kingdom. If I can love that one kid on the street by coloring with him, or hug that one confused boy on the street that is looking for meaning, or play with my kid neighbors whenever they constantly come over to talk to the American, I will. I can do what little I can whenever I can as long as God keeps giving me the strength to keep going. We are all important pieces in the great story of God and we all have a part, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. 

"In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple." -Luke 14:33

Some dish that a lady made for us made from parts of a cow's stomach. It was.. interesting! 

some statue downtown by the bay

Recife 

A picture I took on my iphone. I was pretty proud of it!

old downtown Recife 

Ate mais, Jake 

September 11, 2012: Ondas do Amor

I've been in Recife for a couple of days now and I’m starting to notice how different it is from anywhere I’ve been before, even when I lived in southern Brazil two years ago. Florianopolis, where I lived before, was beautiful and had many nice things, but I think Recife is a lot more Brazilian. It’s a city of contradictions. On one corner you can see starving dogs looking through a pile of trash left on the side of the street or a dog get hit by a car and limp off the road. But just around another corner, you might see the most amazing view of one of the beaches with exotic trees everywhere and kids playing soccer. You can see a homeless man begging for food in a wheelchair or a business man in a suit going to work. Even though it may look a little rough around the edges, I think I’m going to like Recife because it has a lot of character. From the graffiti on the walls to the vendors selling chicken heart on a stick or hot dogs on the street (both of which are very good!), Recife has its own personality and it comes to life the more you explore it. I am having a little trouble adjusting to the way of life here though. Some things are hard for me to get used to like not having AC, walking or taking the bus (which is about 50 people over capacity usually!) everywhere, constantly feeling sticky even when I go to bed, always seeing Brazilian soap operas on T.V. even in restaurants, and being surrounded by a language that I can’t really understand. But I know that the Lord will help me to fit in here and become like one of the natives so I won’t feel and look so out of place! When we took a really sketchy boat ride to this beautiful island yesterday, the guy driving the boat called me a galego, which is a nicer way of calling me a pale, blonde hair, blue-eyed foreigner! I guess he's right though... haha! 

Tonight was my first time going to the streets for church. Shores of Grace started a church outside in this plaza in the most dangerous part of the city (don't worry mom and dad!). Before church started a few of us went early to go look for people to invite and to talk with people on the streets. I was surprised to see so many people living there. There were a few older people but for the most part they were all young people. I saw babies sleeping on the ground on cardboard, little girls with barely any clothes on laying on the ground, young boys yelling obscenities to each other, and young women with their shirts half up walking barefoot around the park. While all this broke my heart into pieces, it wasn't the worst part. Pretty much everyone had these water bottles that they carried around with them everywhere. Even the kids were holding these bottles and putting them in their mouths or sniffing them constantly. I didn't know what they were so I asked my friend from Brazil. He told me that because they are so poor and can't afford real drugs, they all get together and gather up enough money to buy this type of glue that makes them high. Then, they put some of the glue in each bottle and pass it around and it lasts a long time. The adults use these bottles but I saw more kids using them than anybody. Since they are so hungry, this glue makes them feel less hungry and helps them to feel nothing. It makes them forget where they are or how hard their life is. What is the worst part for me is seeing the deadness in their eyes and when you look into them, it is empty. I know that they don't want to feel anymore because they have no hope for life, nothing to look forward to but a piece of cardboard and some glue. They don't realize that there is someone who loves them more than they will every know and wants to come into their lives. That's where Shores comes in. 

Since none of the people living on the streets would come into a building anyway, Ondas do Amor (waves of love) meets in a big plaza where many of the homeless and prostitutes hang out. At first, I didn't see anyone around that looked interested in coming. But within minutes, something supernatural happened. People started coming from nowhere and kids started showing up left and right. Some moms just dropped off their kids but some stayed to see what was going on. We laid a blanket down on the ground and started passing out blank sheets of paper, crayons, pictures cut out from magazines, and glue. I thought that only the kids would color but teenagers, old women, and men got in on the action too. My friend told me that many of them don't know how to worship in a church setting so coloring and expressing themselves through art helps them worship even if they don't realize they are doing it. While they were coloring and drawing, Nic, the leader, started playing his guitar and singing in the middle of the people. He has such a rich, deep tone to his voice and has such authority when he sings. Even though we were in a dangerous area in the middle of a city, there was a supernatural feeling to it all. I felt like we were just sitting in a normal room that was completely safe from anything that could harm us. I believe God was covering us with his protection and nothing was going to harm us. 

I got to hang out with many kids, which is when I come alive, but one kid in particular, Victor, got my attention fast. His mom just dropped him off and went somewhere else. You could tell that he was hurt and he didn't want to be left alone with some random white guys. I asked him a few questions in my bad Portuguese and he didn't want to answer and just looked down on the ground. After a few minutes, he sat down and I gave him some paper so he could draw. There were many cut out pictures from magazines so he would pick one up, hand it to me, and I would glue it on for him. We did this until he filled his entire paper with pictures. I could tell he was loving that someone was paying attention to him and was soaking it up. We also had some colored sheets for the kids to play with and he told me he wanted to have one. Him and some other girls started dancing around with them and soon they put them on like capes and started running around everywhere acting like superheroes. It's crazy how something so simple can create so much joy. When Victor finally left, he kept coming back just close enough so I could hear him and wanted me to chase him and play with him. I had made a friend. I'm learning that to love people, you don't need to speak their language or understand everything they are saying, you just need to pay attention to them, give them your time, and words slowly become meaningless. 

If you would like to send some some art supplies like colors, coloring books, stickers, or crafts here just let me know and I would be glad to tell you where to send it! 

A baby girl that lives on the streets. She was sleeping the whole time but she was beautiful.

Ondas do amor, the church on the streets with Nic singing and playing guitar. 

The picture that I helped victor make. It turned out pretty good! 

Our little superheroes, Victor on the right.

They liked pictures! 

This lady is our neighbor and wanted to come with us. She was painting nails.

A giant iguana on a leash that I got to take a picture with! 

Victor chugging his drink, he had three total because I kept giving him more! 

Ate logo, Jake 

September 8, 2012: Arrival

Well, I finally made it! After four airports, 3 airplanes, twenty hours, five bags of pretzels, and rushing to get through customs and security at airports that are way too confusing for me, I made it... I'll skip all the traveling stuff since it wasn't very interesting and mostly involved me trying to move around my seat to get a minute of sleep. But there was one story that was pretty cool. When I finally found the gate in Atlanta that was going to Brazil after stuffing my face with mcdonalds (which was my last meal in America, yuck!), I saw many Brazilians preparing to board and my heart skipped a beat. I had waited so long to get back to the people God has given me a heart for and it felt amazing to be there with people that didn't even know me. It was a strange feeling to feel something for these people that didn't know me from any other white american guy. I knew then that Jesus was responsible for giving me a heart for the people of this country and it gave me great comfort.

When I got on the plane, I naturally expected to sit by a Brazilian and practice my portuguese a little, get confused, and go to sleep, but God didn't work it out that way. A little bit after I sat down, a pale-skinned red head girl came and sat next to me. Having been to Brazil before, I knew she was not a Brazilian. So I was really surprised to hear her speaking Portuguese perfectly. After she got off, I couldn't help but see how she was so good and why she was going to Brazil. She quickly opened up and told me about her being a Mormon and that she chose to do her mission work (Mormon men have to go on mission but girls have the choice) and they had sent her randomly to Sao Paulo, Brazil. She had no knowledge of the country and had no idea how to speak Portuguese. However, she just accepted it as God wanting her to go there and went without hesitation. She said it was hard going from door to door in the favelas (slums) every day and trying to speak a language she didn't know to talk about her faith, but that's exactly what she did. Even though I don't agree with her religion and we had different views, I respected her so much for having faith to go to a place and talk about who she thinks God is to random strangers in dangerous places. God helped me to see that I can have faith that He is with me and even though it might be tough, He will protect me and get me through it. And he taught me through a faithful Mormon girl.

When I finally arrived in Brazil, I was too tired to really be excited but I was trying my best. When I finally made it through customs and made sure I wasn't going to be shipped back to America, I stepped outside and felt the cool Brazilian breeze and the exotic trees popping up everywhere, I came alive. After guessing the right airline and finally making it to Recife, everything finally hit me and I realized I would  be here for a long time. When I was taken to my apartment, I quickly started freaking out because, to say the least, it was not what I was used to. The apartment was very small, had no stove, no tv, no hot water, and no washing machine just to name a few things. I started wondering how in the world I would live here for months and be o.k. After all, I was a spoiled American and I needed hot water! But the Lord quickly helped me realize how ridiculous I was being. The people I will be around here have no home usually, no food, and no one to turn to. Compared to them, I still had so much and I should be thankful to even have somewhere to sleep when so many others around me didn't. He quickly humbled me and since then, I have had a peace about living here and know that I'm blessed beyond measure with an amazing family back home, a place to lay my head, and enough food to get by.

God has also blessed me with two of the best guys I know. One is a Brazilian named Robson (pronounced Hobson, which is awesome) and the other an American named Stephen. Both have a heart for the hurting and a deep love for Jesus, both things I hope to have more of here. Robson is probably the nicest guy I've ever met and I feel like he has been my friend for years. He's one of those guys that just goes up to everyone and starts talking to them, no matter what they look like. He's genuine, real, and loves the unlovable. His English is funny sometimes but I can understand him most of the time and when I can't, we speak in Portuguese. Every time he talks about going to the beach, it sounds like he's talking about another word for female dog, and it makes me laugh every time! He wants me to learn Portuguese and helps me with any word he can and he has a heart for the kids of Brazil like me and wants to rescue them all. God has already started blessing me with friends here to make me feel more at home. I hope the Lord gives me faith like his while I'm here because he trusts Him with everything and whatever he's given, he's thankful. He took me all around town last night looking for the perfect Rodizio (pizza buffet) until we found a good one after six places. I want to be selfless like that and learn to put others first whatever the cost.

 Here is some pictures of where I'm living right outside of Recife. Very Yellow! There are also many dogs that are stray that roam around as well as cats. Hopefully, I will have a pet soon! haha Next blog, I will talk about a kid we met on the streets of Recife today and how my heart is already breaking.

I'm starting a new blog!

Hey everyone!

This is where I'll be blogging about my time in Recife, Brazil and what all God is doing there with Shores of Grace Ministries. I will be there for six months and will try to be consistent with keeping everyone informed and up to date on what is going on down there and what y'all can be doing to help partner with me. I can't wait to see what amazing things Jesus does in Brazil to stop the giant of sexual exploitation!

Jake